Dealing with my feelings on the "D" word

Over the last few months I have been dealing with a lot of things, but an issue that was really on the forefront was my feelings about divorce. I don't know if I ever really did deal with my parent's divorce the way I should have, or that I really got the closure that I needed, but for some reason "divorce", this word that so easily slips off our culture's tongue, had become a stumblingblock in my mind. One day, sitting alonge on a quiet Thursday evening, I decided to explore some of my feelings - the deep, dark, bad, ugly, lump-in-your-throat feelings - this word "divorce" conjured up inside of me, in all of its passive aggressive tyranny. Here it is:


Divorce
By Amber O'Neill

Divorce...a gloomy winter of isolation.
The coldest the heart has ever been...aching.
The flood of unending grief from the many deaths your soul has died,
acceptance of the invested love that has been squandered.
Identity, the mirror is cracking, your reflection muddled and displaced.
You are no longer defined by what was once yours, what was once beautiful,
now taking its last breath as it transforms into a painful memory beneath the
unrelenting snow...
Lost forever, buried, taking with it your young and fragile dreams.
Resentment, like scalding water searing through your veins,
your cauldron of anger boils over, the fire fueled by your unending lists of pain.
Hatred walks towards you carrying his false promises of appeasement,
but you know there is no such thing.

Neglected, your beautiful parts never fully unveiled,
Like a secret field of fragrant roses that will remain undiscovered
An unfortunate swan princess whose prince could not make the journey to save her...
another great warrior whose lady fair cut off his locks of strength.
Loneliness, like a black fog seeps into each pore of your skin.
You are desolate left only with your self doubt as it overwhelms, mocks,
reaffirms your unworthiness, "no one will ever love you", a voice whispers in your
ear. Fear, lying alone at night with no one to touch you, no one to make the dark room
feel gentle. The monsters under the bed become real once again,
but they are your only companions.

Forgotten, the intricate parts of yourself woven together with another,
all of the times you laughed and cried, the nakedness of your souls and bodies,
your vulnerable surrender for another - wasted.
Acceptance, the grief and the coldness of winter, the death of your idealism,
A stepping stone, tasting the ultimate test of the human spirit in survival.
Adaptation, like weary nomads moving vast distances in search of something lasting.
"When will our journey end?" We ask the sky.
Divorce...the last scene of a play for which there is no enlightened applause,
and as the curtain slowly closes, and the theater abruptly empties...so does your
heart.