Friday

Too afraid to face what you're afraid of?

The thought has occured to me lately, what am I afraid of?

Is it unseen and unstoppable forces of evil (Satan, demons, terrorists) by the church's/world's definition, or is it the "evil" in myself? Which one is eating away at me more? I think its a good question to ask, and I still don't have the answer but I do know one thing, my mind has more control over how I feel and act than I give it credit for. Its kinda like when you're a kid and you decide that broccoli tastes gross and is "evil" (or in my friends Jon's case carrots are the intrinsically "evil" vegetable), but its only after I grow up and realize that broccoli is good for me and that vegetables aren't scary but helpful and necessary that I actually start to like broccoli. I mean, of course, there are some things that you will just think are yucky forever, but the point is, IS IT ALL IN MY MIND???

What if the "evil" we so openly talk about in "church" circles, and the Satan we so easily blame for everything bad and miserable in life does not in fact exist at all?? If we were to remove that, what is left over....... just US and G-D. There is a lot of implications with what I'm saying, I know, its all just exploratory at this stage, but if it were true, and God has purposely created/allowed adversary and struggle, temptation, accusation, sickness, fear, pain, and, dare I say, even boredom, and all this fear that I have in my mind is completely unecessary and just a distraction from the truth of the matter, simply that G-D IS IN CONTROL, none of his enemies, be it satan or mankind, are able to match his authority and purposes, and he is trying to show me who he is by allowing life to be what it is.

What if it's not satan I'm up against at all but its my own refusal to accept G-D as being all-powerful, all-knowing, and completely able to do whatever he wants without my permission. What if my struggle is with refining my God-given free-will with His help, and the onset of struggles are intended to provide me with opportunities to make choices that define who I am and what I become. Kinda like the Matrix really....we all here to make choices and see what kind of creatures we become because of them...we are all learnig to abandon selfishness, pride, and ignorance and we can only do that by making conscious choices, not by blaming unseen forces and being superstitious.

Yeah, choosing is great. It's what makes us human, and interestingly enough, it's what makes G-D god....choices that set things in motion.

G-D thought of light, made the choice to create it, and said "let there be light", and he created light.

I say, I want to have integrity, so I make integral choices, and, it then exists in me.

G-D models freewill for us, we really do need to "be like Him", because all of his freewill choices are perfect. Maybe we're just learning how to choose like God chooses, knowing all the while that He chose us. It's a nice feeling.

Anyway. I'm done. That was a tangent. yay.

Amber

Thursday

Maple Syrup and Dirt

Yesterday while I was walking home from teaching piano lessons I came across a big hilly area covered with leaves from surronding trees, absolutely covered. I was going to walk right by and responsibly continue on home, but the child inside of me was aching to run straight into the leaves and kick them around everywhere...she wanted to see them fly around her and smell the dirt and cold and wet of them. That's exactly what she did.

I never want to forget that it truly is the small moments in life that make the grand scheme of our lives more beautiful and enriched. So go ahead and make your memories from splendid, beautiful, amazing, courageous, crazy, and lavish things...you'll be proud of it in the end.

Amber

P.S. It dawned on me yesterday that fall smells like maple syrup mixed with dirt...seriously.

Wednesday

Don't Give In to Giver's Fatigue

While lying in bed this morning waiting for the chance to press snooze again, I was thinking about the earthqauke in Pakistan and parts of India. You see, the sad thing about this earthquake is the fact that its happened at a time when so many other natural disasters are occurring all over the world. There was the Indian Ocean Tsunami last Christmas, Hurricane Katrina, and now Hurricane Wilma which is in full swing as I write. The thing is, this earthqauke in Pakistan has killed over 80,000 people...men, women, children, 80,000. That's 1/3rd of the amount of people killed in the tsunami last year, but its 61x more people killed in Hurricaine Katrina, 61x more!!! So many people are injured, hungry, homeless, and they are just beginning to help them. I'm glad for that, and I keep on thinking there is just so much need in the world that sometimes it seems too hopeless, or it feels so impossible to truly make a difference. I want to be able to hug every child separated from its parents, feed every hungry mouth I can, and then I realize, I can't, and I feel discouraged.

But this morning I thought, "self, don't be discouraged, get up, get out into the world and do what you can". I needed to remind myself that there is always something we can do to make a difference. Sometimes it feels like just a drop in the bucket handing over my pocket change to the Red Cross or Compassion Canada, but then I realized that I was looking at the drop in comparison to the bucket instead of looking at how many other drops are there to fill it (if that makes sense...try and follow my odd-ball way of thinking)!!! The bucket of need in the world around us is HUGE right now, but the good thing is that we have an entire world of people to fill it with their individual drops, and it can be done!

So today, I felt that I really needed to encourage everyone NOT TO GIVE IN TO GIVER'S FATIGUE!! Keep on giving, keep on going, and keep on believing that a difference can and will be made through grassroots individuals like yourselves, and you will start to see it happen. So, here are some links to charities that are supporting disaster relief, and if any of you feel like adding your drop to the bucket...haveit!!

Cheers.

https://www.paypaq.com/redcross/en/
http://www.makepovertyhistory.ca/e/home.php
www.one.org

Tuesday

Cavities and the Irony of Life

So...yesterday I went to the dentist (which I hate with a passion might I add) for my regular six- month check-up (yeah, I'm so good and on the ball)...it was absolutely horrible.

First of all, they treat you like you're a little kid who sits in your closet eating candy all day...which isn't the case. They always talk gently to you as if they don't want to hurt your feelings by showing that they know how bad the state of your teeth and gums are and that they think its your fault (which they do). I brush and floss just like they tell me, I wear my night gaurd to the chagrin of my husband, I do all the things they say to do and yet...I still have a cavity and... it's ALL my fault.

The dentist's office, for me, is one of the only places I truly feel the need to justify myself, or my teeth, which, in a sense, is still justifying myself...hmmm...ponder. If they find the evil cavity, I want to make sure they know that it wasn't my fault, and that I'm not the little kid sitting in the closet eating candy to rot my teeth all day. It's quite hopeless though because they don't believe you, and the more your talk about how well you take care of your teeth, the more they remind you of all the tartar buildup and plaque they found while poking and prodding around with sharp devices in your mouth, which clearly proves you wrong.

See, I think that plaque and tartar are natural things, and that God made it so that by drinking water and eating crunchy food, we would naturally clean our teeth. I know that modern dentistry would claim otherwise, but hey, this is my blog and I can say what I want. I guess, its just one of those things that reminds me of the irony of life, culture, conditioning...the fact that we are supposed to do so many things to be appropriate and hygenic that are totally outside of our natural human condition, and that even when we do those things and meet those standards, the end result is still, well....a cavity.

So, moral of the story is that sometimes even when we do all the "right" things wrong things still happen, which is why we should all give each other a break. There really is no formula for success and perfect teeth in life. It's easy to judge each other and say "you should have...", but the truth is, reality does not always meet our expectations and we better get used to that and try to find some beauty in the moments of "wrongness" or we will always hate ourselves and feel like we're just not good enough. So...yeah.

Take the cavity out of your own tooth, before your instruct your brother or sister to brush or floss.

True words of wisdom...and ironic when you think about it, which I hope you will.

Thursday

In the beginning...

So, I decided to start a blog, for the same reason everybody else starts them, sheer boredom. Actually, its a place to write about my 20-somthing angst, how hard it is to be alive, and really good restuarants I've tried recently.

So here it is for all my friends, family, and the weird people out there who read strangers blogs for fun...yeah, that means you weirdo!!

Have fun, and don't talk to me about what I wrote in my blog outside of the blog world, it might just feel weird.

Cheers,
Amber