Post "Send" Regret Syndrome (PSRS)

I would like to take a moment to address a very serious condition I have named Post "Send" Regret Syndrome or PSRS.

Anyone who extensively uses E-mail to keep relationships alive, or, god forbid, to aid in confronting someone when you are too afraid of the face-to-face, probably knows what I'm talking about.

Post "Send" Regret Syndrome has affected millions of people worldwide and is spreading faster and faster as computers take over the world and people slowly lose their ability to accurately calculate cause and effect before pressing that all-or-nothing button...send.

Back in the old days of sending letters via regular post, if you sent something that started to conjure symptoms of PSRS, you could catch a plane to the destination city of your letter, wait on the recipient's street in camo for the mail man to walk by, tackle him unwittingly, spray him with tear gas, tranquilize him, sort through the mail while he's out cold, retrieve the "regretted" item, and promptly catch your return flight home - dignity intact. Now, with messages in mail boxes at the touch of a button - you have no way out! What's done is done, and you will inevitably begin to suffer from PSRS.

PSRS is also a component of Turret's syndrome, which, in some severe cases (such as my own), a person is prompted by uncontrollable inward notions to write down ambigous quotes from Monty Python movies and send them out randomly to people on their E-mail list. I sincerely apologize if any of you have been deeply wounded by my comment that made referance to your mother being a hamster and your father smelling of elderberries. It was very insensitive and I promise to be more original next time (inward notions permitting).

Anyway, for those of you who have suffered from PSRS or are currently suffering from PSRS after accidentally sending your boss the letter that was intended for your new boss (the one you will have when you quit your job in two days), or perhaps sending your Jewish mother the letter that was intended for Oscar Meyer Inc demanding a refund on the oversized pork sausage that you almost chocked to death on - you have my sympathy.

PSRS is not relieved with Tylenol, Advil, Ativan, Valium, or apologies. If you are suffering from PSRS on a regular basis, you should contact your local internet service provider and cancel you high-speed internet connection. I would suggest getting dial-up instead which will undoubtedly prompt you to once again send letters via regular post (which can be intercepted in cases of regret) knowing they will arrive faster than the dial-up connection to your E-mail account.

Together we can survive PSRS, together we can stop the madness.

Anyone interested in starting a wog (walk/jog) for PSRS awareness, please E-mail me your name and number - and if I get that letter intended for your underwear fetish cult leader, I will just forget it ever happened.

Cheers.